When there’s resentment, it’s difficult to embrace pleasure and connection. Join Dr. Jess and her guest, psychotherapist and social worker Roxanne Frances, as they share ways to let go of resentment and reignite passion!
Roxanne Frances describes resentment like a simmering anger that comes from unmet expectations, which also lasts a long time. Infidelity and division of labour are some causes of resentment.
“We can notice it in our bodies with clenched teeth, difficulties sleeping, and irritability,” says Roxanne. In a relationship, it can show up as a cold shoulder, not talking to your partner, not communicating well, as well as in the bedroom.
“You may not want someone touching you in the bedroom if you’re not feeling really great in the relationship. When you’re holding on to that simmering resentment, you’re not able to release as much or make that intimate connection to your partner,” says Roxanne. “There is a lot of vulnerability in intimacy and when you’re holding on to things, you’re more closed off.”
The Grudge List…
Make a list of all the grudges you hold and ask yourself…
What do you want to do about them?
What resolution do you seek?
What can you do to get some of that resolution today?
“There are so many couples that don’t talk about sex! They just expect it to happen! When you’re talking about your expectations and when you’re communicating what you need, it allows you to extend that into other areas of your relationship. Then you can do away with resentment!” Roxanne says.
“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” ~ Nelson Mandela
How to start letting go of resentment
“The first thing I would recommend is checking in with yourself – what is really going on. Ask yourself what expectation hasn’t been met. Then you need to communicate. So after you’ve checked in with yourself is to really slow down and write a letter to the person you’re upset with. It will take away some of the anger. Once that’s done, communicate your expectation with the person that you have that resentment towards. Talk about that thing and then talk about what you hope for in the future. Next, ask yourself what was their intent? Did they intend to upset you, ignore you? Often their intent isn’t to upset you. So once you have those conversations, the resentment tends to wain,” Roxanne explains.
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