Intimately You

Intimately You! Advice from Dr. Jess: Mindfulness

Most of us live fast-paced and hectic lives. We’ve become so used to juggling everything on our to-do list that we’ve forgotten how to block out distractions when we want to slow down and enjoy the moment.

It’s no surprise that we struggle to be present and focused when trying to relax with ourselves or with our partners. Here are a few tips recommended by Intimately You’s Dr. Jessica O’Reilly to help you be more present during sexual interactions!

Practice your breathing

You may not be able to use this approach during a sexual encounter, but this breathing exercise can help calm your body and mind and help you stay in the moment. Focus how the air feels as you breathe in through your nose and how it feels as you exhale slowly and deeply through your mouth.

Inhale for 1-2-3-4-5

Hold for 1-2-3

Exhale for 1-2-3-4-5

Repeat this breathing technique five times and pay attention to your heart rate and how you feel afterwards. Practicing this technique can help you kick-start your body for sexual pleasure.

Engage in Digital Detox

We’re all suffering from an overabundance of screen time—laptops, tablets, smartphones, TVs—and we’ve gotten in the habit of paying more attention to our “online lives” as opposed to the relationships right beside us.

Try spending some time in the evening (especially before you fall asleep) without a screen. If you don’t want to do this every night, begin with one night per week and try to focus on yourself or your partner.

Whatever digital detox limit you set for yourself, try tracking how you feel and if you’re more mindful with yourself and your partner. There’s a reason why people tend to reach out to each other when there is a power outage or storm – so make your own reason to abstain from technology.

Deprive Yourself (Or Your Partner)

When one sense is deprived, another sense is heightened. Lower the lights, wear a blindfold or close your eyes, use noise-cancelling headphones—being more mindful will enhance your sensual presence.

Sometimes managing distractions is not just about focusing on the present, but also eliminating sensory stimulus (noise, sight) so you can focus more attentively. Avoiding stimuli’s is also a perfect opportunity to bring in some sensory toys like ticklers.

Put Intrusive Thoughts in a Box

Those pesky thoughts about work, kids, to-do lists or worries really hinder us from getting into the mood. Try a visualization exercise where you put all those intrusive thoughts into a box.

If the thoughts come back, don’t stress! It’s completely normal to have these pesky thoughts pop up, even when you’re fully enjoying your sexual experience. Take a few breaths to refocus yourself and bring your attention back to yourself or your partner.

These are just a few mindfulness practices recommend by Dr. Jess! You can find more great suggestions in “The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay: Techniques and Strategies for Mind-Blowing Sex” by Jessica O’Reilly and Marla Renee Stewart.

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Ask Dr. Jess! Wondering what product to buy? How to use it? Looking for relationship advice in the bedroom? Whatever your question, Dr. Jess is sure to have an answer! She is excited to answer your questions, so don’t be shy!  You can submit your question discreetly on You or by leaving a comment on the blog!

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