Who doesn’t want to last long in bed? But how do we prolong the pleasure? Dr. Jess is joined by special guest, Sex Therapist Dr. Reece Malone, to examine how we can extend erotic experiences and take intimate interludes to the next level!
Dr. Jess starts the conversation with asking Dr. Reece how long should sex last?
“First, let’s eliminate the “should” from the vocabulary of sex. Instead, focus on quality!,” says Dr. Reece. “For intercourse duration, research indicates that it varies from county to county – anywhere from 3.7 to 30 minutes long, with an average of 5 minutes long. But it’s about the satisfactory sex that matters!”
“I sometimes only last a minute or two. How can I last longer?” ~ Kai
“What’s really important in terms of premature ejaculation is four factors that we look for,” explains Dr. Reece. “Is ejaculation under a minute? Has it been persistent for six months or longer? Is there stress or frustration? And is there any underlining medical conditions, including medication.”
There are four steps to lasting longer in bed:
- Mindful Touch
- Physical Exercises (not just Kegels)
- Dealing with Anxiety (general stress, body-image, worry)
- Building Familiarity with Being Inside Your Partner’s Body (entering in stages)
“My husband almost always finishes quickly and won’t talk about it. I think it makes him avoid sex too. How can I help him?” ~ Mary
“Reassurance, patience, understanding are key from the partners perspective,” says Dr. Reece, adding that you could tell your partner you want to take things slow to really experience things or experiment with different sensations. “Let’s treat intercourse like dessert, instead of the main attraction of sex.”
“Does size matter so much?” ~ Finn
“Do not worry about it! Over 85% report they are happy with their partners size,” says Dr. Reece.
“It’s more about fit, learning to tune into pleasure, connection and intimacy, so size is really the last thing on most people’s mind,” says Dr. Jess.
“My husband is losing his erection during intercourse. He has no problem staying hard during oral or masturbation, but once we start to have sex, he starts to get soft. He says it is not me and doesn’t understand why this keeps happening.” ~ Dawn
“Erection quality depends on several factors – biologically, physiologically, socially and even relationship factors, so it really depends on the context as well as the situation. A loss of erection is very normal and common, and she feels it’s her fault and then is disappointed with his performance, while he feels bad and guilty. This worry actually triggers and effect erection quality. So rather than being in the moment, he’s watching his gentiles perform, which is an off switch for erections,” explains Dr. Reece. “My advice is to focus on pleasure and not goal-centered sex. This will decrease pressure and increases quality. Try to incorporate more diverse and playful erotica activities that don’t always lead to intercourse. If you have sex and your partner begins to lose his erection, it doesn’t mean you need to stop. Give yourselves permission to keep going because experiencing sexual and erotic pleasure helps just as much as intercourse.”
Dr. Jess’ tips on how to last longer in bed:
- Mindful Touch (non-genital) – reverse your grip, use a sleeve, use your other hand, use the backs of your fingertips, try breathing more slowly, try touching only touching the bottom
To watch Episode 11 or all the Intimately You episodes, visit TSC.ca/IntimatelyYou
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