Intimately You

Intimately You! Episode 6: Backdoor Play

No matter what your sexual orientation, gender identity or relationship status, “Backdoor Play” is something many engage in, but rarely talk about! Dr. Jess and guest Sex & Pleasure Educator Luna Matatas bring what’s often in the background in Episode 6 of Intimately You!

“My husband is all about the butt and I’m not sold. How common is butt play and why does it seem to be so trendy these days?” ~ Daniella

Not everyone wants to engage in backdoor play, admits Luna. “It depends on this trendiness of what we as society really feels comfortable with exploring and normalizing as part of sex and pleasure. So as we talk about it more, become more comfortable talking about it, other people start to see and possibly explore.”

Lovehoney Ignite 20 Function Finger Vibrator

“We’ve tried “backdoor” sex before, but couldn’t get it in and it really hurt. I want to try again, but how do I make sure it’s not painful? Any times for first timers?” ~ Kelly

The answer is lube and Dr. Jess recommends not attempting backdoor play without it.

“Sometimes there is discomfort when you’re trying something new, but any sign of pain means you need to back off,” says Luna. You may need to reapply more lube or it means you’re body isn’t quite ready. “We have to honour the booty! We want to go slow, and seduce the outside of the anus before we do anything internal. We also want to make sure that arousal in the body is relatively high, so that you’re body is relaxed.”

Wicked Jelle Water Based Anal Lubricant

Dr. Jess’ Golden Rule is that if someone is going to try something new on you, they should also try it, so they know what it feels like. There are a variety of toys that you can use to train yourself or your partner, with different size options to work your way through.

Sono 4-Piece Butt Plug Set No. 80

This is made for anal lovers wanting to take their play to the next level. They can start with extra small and gradually work their way up to the largest plug.

Lovehoney Ignite 20 Function Vibrating Butt Plug

Reporting for booty duty, sir. Crafted from velvety-smooth silicone and offering 20 tempting vibration functions at the touch of a button, this pocket-sized butt plug is a perfectly pleasurable intro to anal enjoyment. 
“How do I make sure that I don’t do any damage down there during penetration? And how do I ensure that it’s all clean before I proceed?” ~ Alex

“Douching and over douching can cause a lot of irratation, which can lead to a higher instances of STDs, HIV, and local anal trauma,” explains Dr. Evan Goldstein, Anal Surgeon / Founder Bespoke Surgical. “The key is really understanding your anal anatomy, understanding the best toys, how to relax and stay in contraction mode.”

Lelo Bruno

With two powerful motors the luxurious BRUNO? is a fully waterproof silicone massager that packs 6 intense vibration patterns into an expertly crafted body for comfort and hands-free prostate orgasms.

Lelo Loki Wave Prostate Massager

LOKI Wave is perfectly shaped to offer external and internal stimulation from its dual-motors, and is the first waterproof prostate vibrator to offer a ‘come-hither’ motion with 10 vibration modes.

Lelo Siri 2 Ultimate Music Vibrator

SIRI™ 2 is an ultra-powerful palm-held massager that responds to ambient noise and has 8 preset vibration patterns. Waterproof and rechargeable, it’s perfect for pleasure in the bedroom and out.
“All the advice I read says to get warmed up, relax, etc., but what does that even mean? A shoulder massage or making out isn’t going to help. Any suggestions?” ~ Elizabeth

“Our anus really likes are body to be super aroused,” explains Luna, adding that attention specifically focused towards the anus increases blood flow and helps you relax. She recommends using your knuckle to stimulate around the anus as a good starting point.

“I’ve tried it with lube. I’ve tried it in the shower. I just can’t get it in. Help!” ~ Jordan

How to explore “backdoor” play:

  1. Train your body – only on the outside! Use a toy, knuckles, fingers—get to know the area so you become familiar with the area.
  2. Start small and use lube! Just insert a pinky a few millimeters and relax.
  3. Get aroused. Fantasize. Gradually increase in size of the object you are inserting.
  4. Play with a partner (on the outside).
  5. Orgasm before penetration, this will help your body relax and choose a position where you control the depth and speed.

To watch Episode 6 or all the Intimately You episodes, visit

Ask Dr. Jess! Wondering what product to buy? How to use it? Looking for relationship advice in the bedroom? Whatever your question, Dr. Jess is sure to have an answer! She excited to answer your questions, so don’t be shy!  You can submit your question discreetly on or by leaving a comment on the blog!

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