No matter what your sexual orientation, gender identity or relationship status, “Backdoor Play” is something many engage in, but rarely talk about! Dr. Jess and guest Sex & Pleasure Educator Luna Matatas bring what’s often in the background in Episode 6 of Intimately You!
“My husband is all about the butt and I’m not sold. How common is butt play and why does it seem to be so trendy these days?” ~ Daniella
Not everyone wants to engage in backdoor play, admits Luna. “It depends on this trendiness of what we as society really feels comfortable with exploring and normalizing as part of sex and pleasure. So as we talk about it more, become more comfortable talking about it, other people start to see and possibly explore.”
“We’ve tried “backdoor” sex before, but couldn’t get it in and it really hurt. I want to try again, but how do I make sure it’s not painful? Any times for first timers?” ~ Kelly
The answer is lube and Dr. Jess recommends not attempting backdoor play without it.
“Sometimes there is discomfort when you’re trying something new, but any sign of pain means you need to back off,” says Luna. You may need to reapply more lube or it means you’re body isn’t quite ready. “We have to honour the booty! We want to go slow, and seduce the outside of the anus before we do anything internal. We also want to make sure that arousal in the body is relatively high, so that you’re body is relaxed.”
Dr. Jess’ Golden Rule is that if someone is going to try something new on you, they should also try it, so they know what it feels like. There are a variety of toys that you can use to train yourself or your partner, with different size options to work your way through.
“How do I make sure that I don’t do any damage down there during penetration? And how do I ensure that it’s all clean before I proceed?” ~ Alex
“Douching and over douching can cause a lot of irratation, which can lead to a higher instances of STDs, HIV, and local anal trauma,” explains Dr. Evan Goldstein, Anal Surgeon / Founder Bespoke Surgical. “The key is really understanding your anal anatomy, understanding the best toys, how to relax and stay in contraction mode.”
“All the advice I read says to get warmed up, relax, etc., but what does that even mean? A shoulder massage or making out isn’t going to help. Any suggestions?” ~ Elizabeth
“Our anus really likes are body to be super aroused,” explains Luna, adding that attention specifically focused towards the anus increases blood flow and helps you relax. She recommends using your knuckle to stimulate around the anus as a good starting point.
“I’ve tried it with lube. I’ve tried it in the shower. I just can’t get it in. Help!” ~ Jordan
How to explore “backdoor” play:
- Train your body – only on the outside! Use a toy, knuckles, fingers—get to know the area so you become familiar with the area.
- Start small and use lube! Just insert a pinky a few millimeters and relax.
- Get aroused. Fantasize. Gradually increase in size of the object you are inserting.
- Play with a partner (on the outside).
- Orgasm before penetration, this will help your body relax and choose a position where you control the depth and speed.
To watch Episode 6 or all the Intimately You episodes, visit TSC.ca/IntimatelyYou
Ask Dr. Jess! Wondering what product to buy? How to use it? Looking for relationship advice in the bedroom? Whatever your question, Dr. Jess is sure to have an answer! She excited to answer your questions, so don’t be shy! You can submit your question discreetly on TSC.ca/IntimatelyYou or by leaving a comment on the blog!